Qualifications Catalogue

IQQ / 01School of Aesthetic Misfortune

Certified Ugly

Bachelor of Unfortunate Appearance

For a highly individual approach to conventional beauty standards.

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IQQ / 02Faculty of Cognitive Studies

Certified Dumb

Doctor of Questionable Intelligence

For reaching the wrong conclusion with exceptional confidence.

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IQQ / 03Faculty of Productivity Avoidance

Certified Lazy

Master of Advanced Laziness

For a distinguished commitment to doing as little as possible.

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IQQ / 04School of Transportation Sciences

Certified Bad Driver

Bachelor of Automotive Disaster

For turning an ordinary journey into an institutional concern.

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IQQ / 05Faculty of Financial Irresponsibility

Certified Non-Payer

Master of Financial Avoidance

For an extraordinary ability to remember everything except a small debt.

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IQQ / 06School of Questionable Social Studies

Certified Gay

Bachelor of Fabulous Studies

A playful distinction in fabulous studies; it makes no claim about anyone’s identity.

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IQQ / 07Department of Unrequested Information

Certified Gossip

Bachelor of Informal Information Distribution

For ensuring no interesting detail remains confidential for long.

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IQQ / 08Faculty of Temporal Studies

Certified Late

PhD in Chronic Lateness

For arriving eventually, regardless of the agreed time.

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IQQ / 09Faculty of Cognitive Studies

Certified Overthinker

Doctor of Unnecessary Analysis

For giving a simple decision the attention of a doctoral thesis.

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IQQ / 10Department of Digital Dependence

Certified Bad Texter

Postgraduate Specialization in Delayed Replies

For treating every message as a long-term correspondence project.

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IQQ / 11School of Alternative Facts

Certified Yapper

Master of Excessive Communication

For filling every available silence with original commentary.

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IQQ / 12Faculty of Social Commitments

Certified Flake

Bachelor of Cancelled Plans

For converting firm plans into tentative suggestions.

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IQQ / 13School of Domestic Sciences

Certified Bad Cook

Bachelor of Culinary Risk

For making every dinner an experiment in trust.

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IQQ / 14Department of Digital Dependence

Certified Chronically Online

Doctor of Permanent Internet Presence

For remaining fully informed about events that have not happened yet.

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IQQ / 15Faculty of Workplace Studies

Certified Meeting Survivor

Master of Unnecessary Corporate Attendance

For attending a meeting that could have been an email.

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IQQ / 16Faculty of Productivity Avoidance

Certified Procrastinator

Doctor of Strategic Delay

For postponing important work with remarkable consistency.

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IQQ / 17Faculty of Social Relations

Certified Rude

Doctor of Interpersonal Disregard

For turning a simple conversation into an exercise in collective patience.

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IQQ / 18School of Alternative Facts

Certified Liar

Master of Creative Truth Management

For presenting the same everyday event in increasingly interesting versions.

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IQQ / 19Faculty of Romantic Complications

Certified Jealous

PhD in Unnecessary Suspicion

For treating an innocent introduction as the opening of a formal inquiry.

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IQQ / 20Faculty of Romantic Complications

Certified Ghoster

Bachelor of Strategic Disappearance

For ending a conversation through an unexplained and remarkably thorough disappearance.

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IQQ / 21Faculty of Romantic Complications

Certified Red Flag

Bachelor of Relationship Warning Signs

For turning minor romantic complications into matters for a full academic review.

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IQQ / 22Department of Grievance Studies

Certified Complainer

Bachelor of Unsolicited Complaints

For finding a formal objection even in the most agreeable circumstances.

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IQQ / 23Faculty of Domestic Systems

Certified Disorganized

Bachelor of Organizational Collapse

For maintaining a filing system understood only by its creator.

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IQQ / 24Faculty of Financial Decisions

Certified Spender

Master of Unnecessary Expenditure

For finding an urgent reason to buy what was never on the list.

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IQQ / 25School of Workplace Diplomacy

Certified Suck-Up

Master of Strategic Flattery

For agreeing with the boss before the question is finished.

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IQQ / 26Department of Social Endurance

Certified Annoying

Doctor of Persistent Irritation

For returning to a settled subject with one final observation, repeatedly.

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IQQ / 27Faculty of Self-Appointed Authority

Certified Bossy

Bachelor of Unrequested Leadership

For assigning responsibilities at gatherings that had no agenda.

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IQQ / 28Faculty of Firm Conclusions

Certified Stubborn

Doctor of Resistance to Good Advice

For requesting advice and then defending the original plan with renewed conviction.

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IQQ / 29Faculty of Social Context

Certified Clueless

Doctor of Situational Unawareness

For asking precisely the wrong question at precisely the wrong moment.

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IQQ / 30School of Unverified Promises

Certified Gullible

Bachelor of Misplaced Trust

For believing a story before its author has finished inventing it.

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IQQ / 31Faculty of Everyday Theatre

Certified Dramatic

Master of Theatrical Overreaction

For turning a minor inconvenience into a three-act institutional emergency.

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IQQ / 32Department of Unrequested Participation

Certified Nosy

Postgraduate Specialization in Other People's Business

For joining a private conversation on the strength of overhearing one word.

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IQQ / 33Faculty of Shared Resources

Certified Freeloader

Master of Convenient Favors

For treating each offered favor as an unlimited institutional resource.

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IQQ / 34Faculty of Personal Prestige

Certified Conceited

Doctor of Self-Appointed Importance

For making a casual introduction sound like an awards ceremony.

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IQQ / 35Faculty of Reluctant Expenditure

Certified Cheapskate

Bachelor of Extreme Financial Preservation

For comparing the price of free samples before choosing one.

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IQQ / 36School of Absent Reminders

Certified Forgetful

Bachelor of Selective Memory

For remembering every irrelevant detail except where the keys were placed.

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IQQ / 37School of Practical Mishaps

Certified Clumsy

Master of Accidental Destruction

For turning a quiet room into a brief equipment inventory.

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IQQ / 38Faculty of Competitive Objections

Certified Sore Loser

PhD in Post-Game Appeals

For requesting a review of the rules only after the final score.

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IQQ / 39Faculty of Shared Spaces

Certified Mess-Maker

Bachelor of Environmental Disorder

For leaving a recognizable trail of belongings through every shared space.

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IQQ / 40Faculty of Domestic Negotiations

Certified Spoiled

Bachelor of Immediate Gratification

For interpreting every gentle refusal as the beginning of a formal appeal.

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IQQ / 41School of Unconventional Style

Certified Fashion Criminal

Master of Questionable Wardrobe Combinations

For combining garments that had never formally agreed to meet.

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IQQ / 42Faculty of Retrospective Wisdom

Certified Bad Decision Maker

Doctor of Questionable Decision Making

For reviewing every sensible option before confidently choosing the remaining one.

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IQQ / 43Department of Unhurried Procedures

Certified Slow

PhD in Delayed Processing

For completing a five-minute task with the solemn pace of an inaugural ceremony.

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IQQ / 44School of Extended Recovery

Certified Sleeper

Master of Excessive Rest

For treating the first alarm as a preliminary invitation to negotiate with the second.

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IQQ / 45School of Transportation Sciences

Certified Road Hazard

Doctor of Vehicular Hazard Studies

For turning a routine parking maneuver into an assembly of the entire street.

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IQQ / 46Faculty of Temporary Account Balances

Certified Broke

Doctor of Persistent Financial Instability

For receiving a salary that reaches the account just in time to say goodbye.

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IQQ / 47Faculty of Romantic Complications

Certified Simp

Master of Unreciprocated Devotion

For interpreting one polite reply as the beginning of a five-year commitment.

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IQQ / 48Department of Digital Dependence

Certified Phone Addict

Postgraduate Specialization in Mobile Dependency

For consulting the phone to confirm what was just said by the person sitting beside them.

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IQQ / 49Department of Standard Dialogue

Certified NPC

Master of Delegated Thought

For contributing the default response to every situation, including those with no dialogue option.

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IQQ / 50School of Awkward Public Moments

Certified Cringe

Bachelor of Social Discomfort

For concluding every joke with a formal request to explain why nobody laughed.

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IQQ / 51School of Open-Ended Career Plans

Certified Unemployed Professional

Master of Extended Career Exploration

For treating the interval between jobs as a research fellowship with no announced end date.

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IQQ / 52Faculty of Visible Corporate Effort

Certified Busy-Looking

Bachelor of Simulated Productivity

For opening four spreadsheets immediately after hearing footsteps in the corridor.

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IQQ / 53Faculty of Uncooperative Probability

Certified Unlucky

Master of Statistical Misfortune

For joining the shortest queue just before it becomes the longest.

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IQQ / 54School of Unexpected Social Developments

Certified Drama Magnet

Master of Situational Chaos

For arriving just as a peaceful gathering acquires three conflicting versions of the facts.

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IQQ / 55School of Independent Choreography

Certified Terrible Dancer

Master of Rhythmic Misfortune

For allowing the music and the choreography to pursue entirely independent academic interests.

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IQQ / 56Faculty of Alternative Musical Keys

Certified Terrible Singer

Bachelor of Acoustic Disturbance

For remaining confidently in a key that the orchestra has never formally adopted.

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IQQ / 57Faculty of Peer-Sponsored Ideas

Certified Bad Influence

Master of Questionable Encouragement

For submitting "what could possibly go wrong?" as a complete feasibility study.

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IQQ / 58Department of Collective Notification

Certified Group Chat Liability

Doctor of Digital Social Risk

For transforming a simple group announcement into 147 unread messages and an emergency mute.

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IQQ / 59Department of Migrating Cables

Certified Charger Appropriator

Postgraduate Specialization in Unrequested Power Acquisition

For relocating every available charger to a desk it never agreed to visit. A humorous distinction about borrowed cables.

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IQQ / 60Faculty of Opportunistic Gastronomy

Certified Food Sampler

Bachelor of Unrequested Sampling

For requesting "just a small taste" after dessert has already changed hands. A humorous distinction about uninvited tasting.

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IQQ / 61School of Unanswered Correspondence

Certified Never Replies

Master of Communication Absence

For receiving a simple question and preserving it as an unanswered historical document.

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IQQ / 62Faculty of Debatable Preferences

Certified Bad Taste

Bachelor of Questionable Aesthetic Decisions

For proposing a decorative centerpiece that becomes the main subject of the entire gathering.

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IQQ / 63Faculty of Perpetual Tutorials

Certified Noob

Bachelor of Permanent Initiation

For completing a thousand online games while preserving the fresh uncertainty of the very first tutorial.

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IQQ / 64Faculty of Competitive Passenger Studies

Certified Backpack

Master of Passive Team Transportation

For advancing through the ranks of online games with the logistical efficiency of luggage carried by the entire team.

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IQQ / 65Faculty of Selective Connection Failures

Certified Lag Blamer

Doctor of Convenient Causality

For detecting catastrophic lag in every lost online match and impeccable connectivity during every victory celebration.

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IQQ / 66Institute of Premature Departures

Certified Rage Quitter

Postgraduate Specialization in Strategic Withdrawal

For submitting a formal resignation from an online match before the scoreboard has finished explaining the situation.

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IQQ / 67Faculty of Spectator Authority

Certified Post-Elimination Commentator

Higher Doctorate in Posthumous Command

For discovering impeccable tactical judgment immediately after the virtual elimination of their own avatar in an online game.

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IQQ / 68Faculty of Elastic Bedtimes

Certified Just One More Match

Master of Nocturnal Extensions

For demonstrating that just one more online match is a renewable commitment whose final deadline coincides with sunrise.

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IQQ / 69Faculty of Rank Preservation

Eternal Bronze

Doctor of Competitive Stagnation

For maintaining a stable address in Bronze in League of Legends, regardless of how many seasons claim to offer a fresh start.

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IQQ / 70Faculty of Involuntary Competitive Subsidies

Feeder Emeritus

Master of Opposing Team Financing

For accidentally funding the opposing team in League of Legends through unfortunate deaths, despite every intention of winning.

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IQQ / 71School of Absolute Specialization

One-Trick Champion

Bachelor of a One-Item Repertoire

For studying one League of Legends champion so thoroughly that the remaining roster is treated as optional reading.

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IQQ / 72Institute of Displacement Limitations

Flash into the Wall

PhD in Interrupted Mobility

For conducting a practical League of Legends Flash experiment whose destination is the very same side of the wall.

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IQQ / 73Faculty of Convenient Attribution

Blame the Jungler

Doctor of Outsourced Responsibility

For identifying the League of Legends jungler as the universal cause of every lane mishap, including those occurring before their arrival.

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IQQ / 74Faculty of Overcrowded Inventories

Certified Loot Goblin

Master of Combat-Free Looting

For inspecting every crate in Call of Duty: Warzone with the dedication of an archivist while the squad waits for combat assistance.

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IQQ / 75Institute of Competitive Reentry

Gulag Resident

Specialization in Early Return

For establishing a frequent visitor record in the Gulag of Call of Duty: Warzone Battle Royale modes that include this return mechanic.

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IQQ / 76Chair of Applied Immobility

Professor Camper

Doctor of Tactical Real Estate Residency

For occupying the same corner in Call of Duty: Warzone long enough to declare it as a permanent address.

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IQQ / 77Faculty of Perpetually Pending Fundamentals

Perpetual Iron

Master of Unfinished Competitive Fundamentals

For turning Iron in Valorant into a permanent academic residence while promising that the next match will finally change everything.

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IQQ / 78Faculty of Accidental Luminosity

Team Flash Specialist

Master of Involuntary Ally Illumination

For accidentally blinding their own teammates in Counter-Strike 2 (CS2) with a flash that was intended to improve the team’s prospects.

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IQQ / 79School of Panic Architecture

Unlicensed Architect

Bachelor of Construction Under Panic

For raising stairs, walls and an architectural mystery in Fortnite Battle Royale modes with building, all upon hearing a single nearby shot.

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IQQ / 80Institute of Relentless Geometry

Certified Ball Chaser

Doctor of Spherical Pursuit

For pursuing the ball in Rocket League with such scholarly devotion that positioning becomes an elective subject.

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IQQ / 81School of Goal Orientation

Own-Goal Scorer

Master of Adverse Scoring

For executing a spectacular accidental finish in Rocket League and only afterward checking which team owned the goal.

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IQQ / 82Institute of Questionable Geological Safety

Lava Miner

Doctor of Questionable Vertical Excavation

For locating lava in Minecraft with remarkable consistency and exactly one block less caution than the situation required.

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IQQ / 83Faculty of Unnecessary Celebrations

Certified Drinker

Master of Reasons to Raise a Glass

For turning every everyday event into an occasion worthy of a toast.

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IQQ / 84Faculty of Extracurricular Nightlife

Certified Partygoer

Doctor of Applied Nightlife

For treating every invitation to go out as an official summons and every quiet weekend as an administrative error.

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IQQ / 85Faculty of Repeat Gastronomy

Certified Glutton

Master of Second Helpings

For declaring that there is always room for dessert before submitting a formal request for another helping.

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Explore Qualifications

Certified Ugly

Certified Dumb

Certified Lazy

Certified Bad Driver

Certified Non-Payer

Certified Gay

Certified Gossip

Certified Late

Certified Overthinker

Certified Bad Texter

Certified Yapper

Certified Flake

Certified Bad Cook

Certified Chronically Online

Certified Meeting Survivor

Certified Procrastinator

Certified Rude

Certified Liar

Certified Jealous

Certified Ghoster

Certified Red Flag

Certified Complainer

Certified Disorganized

Certified Spender

Certified Suck-Up

Certified Annoying

Certified Bossy

Certified Stubborn

Certified Clueless

Certified Gullible

Certified Dramatic

Certified Nosy

Certified Freeloader

Certified Conceited

Certified Cheapskate

Certified Forgetful

Certified Clumsy

Certified Sore Loser

Certified Mess-Maker

Certified Spoiled

Certified Fashion Criminal

Certified Bad Decision Maker

Certified Slow

Certified Sleeper

Certified Road Hazard

Certified Broke

Certified Simp

Certified Phone Addict

Certified NPC

Certified Cringe

Certified Unemployed Professional

Certified Busy-Looking

Certified Unlucky

Certified Drama Magnet

Certified Terrible Dancer

Certified Terrible Singer

Certified Bad Influence

Certified Group Chat Liability

Certified Charger Appropriator

Certified Food Sampler

Certified Never Replies

Certified Bad Taste

Certified Noob

Certified Backpack

Certified Lag Blamer

Certified Rage Quitter

Certified Post-Elimination Commentator

Certified Just One More Match

Eternal Bronze

Feeder Emeritus

One-Trick Champion

Flash into the Wall

Blame the Jungler

Certified Loot Goblin

Gulag Resident

Professor Camper

Perpetual Iron

Team Flash Specialist

Unlicensed Architect